Friday, April 15, 2011

A Bucket List Side Note

As some of you may know, I have cherished the dream of climbing out a window with a bed sheet ladder. My life is rather devoid of romance so I feel that this one ridiculous-ness will serve me well later in life.

But my practical voice insists upon chiming in. After all, there very well may be a fine, or even an actual law, for escaping apartments via bed sheet. Clearly what is needed is a house, covered in ivy, hidden from the road, that comes with magical springy grass should I fall.

But there are other considerations. Such as, is this possible, or even the stuff of true fairy-tale legend? Did bed sheets have a wider historic context? Did Guinevere first start this tradition or was the bed sheet or did an actual person escape in this laudable way? So being an undergrad at a research university, I decided to do a little research on the matter. Research on childhood dreams is a very precarious situation. If one reads too much the magic is gone and the dream becomes an unmemorable copycat of misguided zeal. If you don't do enough research, you could die. You could be dead. And the bed sheets could be equated to the rooftop killer.

So I set out to do a perfect amount of preliminary research. I found some gems online, which I would include pictures of (my next post will have some pictures), but I wasn't sure it was entirely legal, but I found a bed sheet ladder you could buy. It was a wooden ladder, specifically designed to hold bed sheets. That takes all of the fun out of the ladder.

After flipping through cartoon images and other random pictures and myths, I found what my heart must secretly have been craving: "How to" instructions. Clearly this was my destiny.

The directions seemed extremely interesting, and I was not entirely sure that it would serve as a life or death situation safety ladder, when I got to the bottom disclaimer:

"Never attempt to descend or ascend a large area without the use of a proper ladder. Ladders constructed from bedsheets are for decorative purposes only."(Having this makes me feel more legal. After all, I would never dream of phrasing the concept this way and I want to give full credit to the original authors).

Let us take a moment to reread that quote: "for decorative purposes only." I will never be one to claim brilliance in the field of fashionable interior design, but I had absolutely no idea that bed sheet ladders were in. I now feel that my room is incomplete without a cut apart sheet dangling elusively over the window.

Research proved, once again, to be a valuable commodity in my life. I look forward to all of the decoration possibilities I now have for my apartment next year. It's like a travel theme, but with bedsheets and other really trendy and flashy escape devices.


  1. As a disclaimer, as is the the style here, I am not Annie and Heidi, that said, Gen, this was really clever. I had not appreciated the fashion trend of bed sheets. When recently in San Francisco, I bought two new suits, hoping the San Francisco style would become me (I did achieve some success when I put on my new linen suit and Emily thought I looked like Aticus Finch, I was pleased), but I see now that I should have stuffed my carry-on with bed sheets from the hotel. That would have been a far better fashion statement, especially if I had used them to make my departure from the plane, or at least gone down the airport stairs in my bed sheet ladder. I'm sure airport security would never suspect the potential of a carry-on stuffed with bed sheets.

  2. I too have a disclaimer, I am Annie, but not "Annie and Heidi" :)

    LOVED the post! Love that you posted.
    I find it hilarious that people are decorating with bedsheet ladders. Definitely think that will be a very festive style for college. It is unfortunate that bedsheets are not actually strong enough to support a person as they descend (or ascend) a ladder from a bedroom window!

    And I am excited to see dad's two new suits. Especially the one that makes him look like Atticus Finch; although that will seal the deal that there really might not be anyone out there that can measure up to dad! I secretly have a crush on Atticus Finch and James Lewis McFarlane!

  3. Disclaimer: there are apparently ladders strong enough to hold a man, but these decorative sheets are not of that variety. Again begging the question of why decorative sheet ladders are being made.

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  5. Proclaimer: I am, in fact, Heidi. Two things: Make that three. One, Annie stole my crush on Atticus Finch (not to be mistaken with Dad). Two, this was pretty hilarious. And finally, before any of us start running around and tying bed sheets to our valences, let us first see it in "Better Homes and Gardens." THIS is the true test of fashion buzz. :)